Meet Sandy Coffey: Your Wedding Ceremony Storyteller 💍

If a couple doesn't remember their ceremony months later, I haven't done my job. I want guests walking away saying, "Wow, that was different. That was so them."

It Starts With Connection

A real connection between the couple and their marriage officer is the number one requirement — a check on energy, shared values, and whether you're aligned on what the day needs. This usually happens over a video chat or face to face, and it's something I can sense almost immediately. The couple can usually feel it too. Once that connection is confirmed, the journey to the aisle truly begins.

Shaping a Ceremony That's Actually Yours

There are so many different types of ceremonies, and a lot to decide on: What kind of ceremony do you want? How long should it be? Indoors or outside? Who should be involved — will friends or family do a reading or a blessing?

How much religion should be woven in, and how do you accommodate parents who are religious when the couple isn't? How much tradition do you want, and is there a cross-cultural element to include? What vows do you want to share — and just as importantly, what do you want to leave out?

It may only be 30 minutes, but there's a lot to shape. It can feel overwhelming, but a good marriage officer will pave the way and make sure it's a beautiful journey, not a tense one. My style is the style of the couple — if you want formal, I'm formal; if you want a relaxed garden vibe, that's me too.

Vows Are the Best Part

Vows are probably my favourite part of any ceremony — words straight from the heart, spoken to the person you love. I often help couples craft them, offering guidance on length and content along the way.

On Family Dynamics

Family dynamics almost always come into play in the lead-up to a wedding, and sometimes on the day itself. Most of it can be diffused with honest, sometimes tough conversations — and that's somewhere my coaching background comes in handy. When things get heated, a clear conversation usually smooths things out.

How Long Should It Actually Be?

Most ceremonies run no longer than 30 minutes — enough time for a ritual, a tradition, a reading from a friend, and the legal signing if needed. There's a reason TED talks are capped at 18 minutes: it matches a normal attention span. The feedback I hear most is that the timing hits a sweet spot — never too long, never too short.

Do You Really Need a Rehearsal?

I don't think rehearsals are strictly necessary unless there are a lot of moving parts. A rehearsal creates the expectation that everything will go exactly to plan — and often, it doesn't. Some of the most beautiful moments come from a little unplanned chaos. The trick is thorough preparation on my end, so that if something unexpected happens, we can simply go with the flow. I once had a ceremony move indoors mid-vows because of a freak rainstorm — it was wonderful.

Her Top Tips for Couples

Make sure your marriage officer is legally designated and has real reviews you can check — ask for testimonials, and confirm they know the legalities and have a working relationship with Home Affairs.
Work closely with your officer on the ceremony, and don't be afraid to speak up if something doesn't feel aligned with what you want.
Once you've chosen your officer, trust them — some things sound wonderful on paper but don't work in practice, and experience knows the difference.
If you can afford it, hire a wedding planner or coordinator — especially with a guest list over 100. Make the decisions together, then hand it over so it can be monitored and activated. A good planner always has a Plan B.
A simple ceremony often beats one with too many elements. Music, sound, photography and heartfelt vows matter — but what matters most is the two of you, committing to a lifelong love, made legal and binding. That's the best magic of all.
When it feels overwhelming, take a deep breath and phone your marriage officer — we have a way of calming things down and keeping the main thing the main thing.

"A ceremony is love, made visible." 💍

— Sandy Coffey, who considers herself lucky to witness and be part of it, every time.

💍 Sandy Coffey

Registered marriage officer and Life Coach, officiating across the Winelands, Cape Town and Garden Route — and happy to travel further for the right ceremony.

Visit Sandy's profile: Sandy Coffey Marriage Officer/CeremonyCelebrant